this.Day i just don't know

these past few weeks have been extremely draining for me in so many ways. Besides culture show, 5 midterms during my rehearsal "hell week". my emotions were all effed up. like even without my intense time schedule....i was mess

once my schedule was kicking up, my dad's mom in Vietnam was checked into the hospital. Sadly i'm not close to her since i cannot speak vietnamese, but i was still freaking out. she is 96 i think and slipping to unconsciousness is not a good sign. What stressed me the most is i had no words or even knowledge on how to comfort my dad. i'm not a bad listener....but what does one say to one's parents?

adding to this paralysis in words was that both my parents owuld be flying to vietnam and would prolly not make it to my show. Like i know this sounds selfish and vain, but i really wanted to my parents to see what i stand for in college, what i'm proud of, and one part of my identity in college is about learning. my aprents had yet to attend anything i do in college and this is my final year so i really wanted them to see. and yea it was like... a letdown almost. i performed last year in front of a crowd of strangers, i wanted more than that this year.

yea it was a mess. i didn't know how to feel, in addition to an utter lack of time. i wanted my parents to come to my show....but msot of all i wanted to be prepared to ahve the words for my dad, lest the worst came to be. but i could have neither, nothing was in my control. i just don't know


edit:
btw my grandma is thankfully better and back home, thank you God and my mom made it to my show...my dad is still traversing the world though i think spain?

so it worked out....but for a while i was speechless, unable to do anything but go through the motions