this.Day i never....

said goodbye.....
so i learned this morning that my granddad had just passed away. He was in Vietnam. although it indeed is sad, it was not surprising. He was not terminal, or any accident, just time, he was 98 i think. I'm not sure how to feel right now.

i wish i had gone to Vietnamese school. honestly i was given the choice...i said no. all my friends hated Chinese cshool...why would i wanna go to viet school? or at least that's how i thought at the time. To this day i regret that decision, every single day. i feel a lost a part of me. i don't look viet, and really only my last name is a marker, but the more i listen to it, the more beautiful it sounds. ic an understand most, but i cannot speak it, and really that was the problem. my grandparents did not speak englsih and i did not speak viet.

however that did not prevent all communication. sometimes relatives translanted, sometimes they didn't....but i could always tell he was proud of me and my generation. Just a smile and warth when he looked at us. Talked about us, what schools we went to and what our dreams were. to him we were what he ahd wanted to be. He had only a 5th grade education, but he was able to successfully run a store, build a home downtown and send children to college in the US.

my family name is not actually nguyen, its vu. that's why it was a part of my middle name. but my granddad was adopted and changed last names. i thank him so much for what he's given this family, this life, given me. i jsut wish i could've told him. i wish i could've said goodbye. i wish i knew how

i need to seriosuly set time to learn viet...

this.Day i tried to sit still

and so far i've failed. ok not gonna lie, having a chill day is kinda boring....i've forgotten what i do for free time. Like i've had free time but also very scheduled so when there is no shcedule i don't know what to do.

well besides wasting time on facebook, i'm wokring on my peace corps app again...i'm going to finsih this by tmw....i swear it

but right now thats not on my mind, please keep my grandparents in your prayers, whomeever reads this. their health is failing pretty fasy and its a realyl hard time for my dad as he ahs to fly to and from vietnam. yea preoccupied

this.Day Item #451

item #451: LET'S BIKE TO SAC!
ok this would be on my bucket list, but i actually did this a couple times my sophomore year
its only a 15 mile ride each way! and its super flat and super straight.

well vsa went off to sac this past weekend and unfortunately it was conflicted with retreat and i wasn't able to go. Look Here they go!

anyone want to go? jsut get back to me and i'll organize the day, i'll be here in the summer

this.Day i just don't know

these past few weeks have been extremely draining for me in so many ways. Besides culture show, 5 midterms during my rehearsal "hell week". my emotions were all effed up. like even without my intense time schedule....i was mess

once my schedule was kicking up, my dad's mom in Vietnam was checked into the hospital. Sadly i'm not close to her since i cannot speak vietnamese, but i was still freaking out. she is 96 i think and slipping to unconsciousness is not a good sign. What stressed me the most is i had no words or even knowledge on how to comfort my dad. i'm not a bad listener....but what does one say to one's parents?

adding to this paralysis in words was that both my parents owuld be flying to vietnam and would prolly not make it to my show. Like i know this sounds selfish and vain, but i really wanted to my parents to see what i stand for in college, what i'm proud of, and one part of my identity in college is about learning. my aprents had yet to attend anything i do in college and this is my final year so i really wanted them to see. and yea it was like... a letdown almost. i performed last year in front of a crowd of strangers, i wanted more than that this year.

yea it was a mess. i didn't know how to feel, in addition to an utter lack of time. i wanted my parents to come to my show....but msot of all i wanted to be prepared to ahve the words for my dad, lest the worst came to be. but i could have neither, nothing was in my control. i just don't know


edit:
btw my grandma is thankfully better and back home, thank you God and my mom made it to my show...my dad is still traversing the world though i think spain?

so it worked out....but for a while i was speechless, unable to do anything but go through the motions

this.Day i will fear no evil

Hope for new day
hope to persevere
hope to truly forgive
hope to love like Him

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
-Matt Redman

this.Day i wait

wait for the tide to come
God, pick me up, let me sail away
for i can row no longer

this.Day is day one

sometimes i sit and wonder
why do i keep trying
why do i still stumble
why does nothing change
why everything
but i tell myself
and try to believe
just trust in Him
and make this day one

this.Day is thank you

mm wow i enjoy legitimate surprises. no matter how much i like having everything under control or at least know whats going on...a good solid surprise really makes my day. so after owl and the sparrow (btw an amzing film, nearly made me cry), it was the vsa after culture show after party (kinda overdue). i wasn't planning on going, but whatever it was better than dc late night

so off i went to a quickly's run...you know for food and tea before partying it up all night...no big deal. cept it took effing forever (old white lady+ hk girl= line out the door). seriously the line did not move for 15 minutes. but mm after the ladies finally got ready we headed off to the party.
haha i usually don't like parties...big social settings are kidna overwhelming for me. but it wasn't too abd this time...i love the vsa cast...they are awesome to hang with. but than suddenly everyone started singing happy birthday (it was a double birthday me and amy). wow, yea seriously...in shock, but i love it=)

perosnlized cake and balloon...seriously, thank you vsa.....and props to linh, ni and crew for preparing the cake while i was in their living room....dang, hella skillz. and the night jsut got better, so much fun. thank you my vsa family!
lol the smoky picture






the next night was also fun as i went off to see oklahoma! it was a a great production. i really enjoy musicals. mondavi is so great. i haven't been there for a while, back when i used to watch ray and Kristine play. so very enjoyable. after tha head off to yoloberry and chill. that was really fun cept the whole i think its getting cold...but thank you all for really making it a wonderful night. i got to dress up, see a show, eat fro yo, and just sit down and chill and chat....seriously a pretty bomb night! thx

this.Day i give thanks!

today especially for my mom. ironic thing is i actually drove home for mother's day, not my birthday, and i did not get to even get to see or hug her on mother's day, for she is driving my lil bro back down to santa cruz. mm but i did give her early flowers, once i got back from davis....hurray. I wanted to buy flowers in davis...but i don't think the 2 hour 90 degree ride in a car without a/c wold be healthy....i don't think its healthy for me, much less flowers.

To my mom!
i thank God every day
for you just being there
to wish me good hug or
run your fingers through my hair
i'm sorry i don't visit often
and fail at making calls
but my words cannot express
my gratitude, not at all
i'm amazed by your grace
and i adore your works of art
i think of you every day
no matter how long apart
so thank you for sacrifice
your time and your love
for in and out you are beautiful
and amazing as a dove

this.Day say hello!

say HELLO! its officer nuno. he's the bike cop on campus nowadays....yea yea sounds a lil intense, but he's super awesome and always smiles....haha i love smiling old people. But yea so no more biking across the mu, but if you walk you bike he sometimes give out meals form the silo coupons....pure awesomeness. porlly the one cop i'm not scared of when he approaches me. oh davis gonna miss it much.

oh and i'm super excited to see oklahoma tmrw....mmm a show at mondavi. seriosuly if you ahven't already been there, its not only a beautiful venue, but has awesome perfoamnces and its super cheap for students. School is more than just classes, lets get cultured!

this.Day i am thankful

i'm really so thankful for all those who came out to support the UCD VSA culture show. Seriously it means so much to me. To have more than just people to perform in front of, but friends, family, and peers. These are the the flowers the epic folk gave me. mm, lily, snap dragons, irises, snapdragons...haha among others(yea flower power). Like more than their support it was just really exciting to get flowers (or something) from someone other than family. i've never had anyone go to anything for me (family excluded). i did debate for 4 years and spectators were only other debaters trying to scout you. For track only my Spanish teacher cheered me on, cuz her daughter was actually a long distance runner, so she was one of mebbe 5 in the crowd. etc etc. It just i dunno, it felt so amazing to see good friends in the audience. Just makes me smile. Never had that feeling before. i'm so used to seeing the audience as a faceless mass. just people, nothing more. last year my life was backstage, mainly cuz there was no one in the audience to wave at, hug, or say hi to (my parents didn't even make it up). Just another show. But it felt so different, being proud to show everyone what your culture is, what your org can do, and really to share a piece of the vision that vsa aims for. well i think i'm becoming kinda verbose so i'll close. Thank you, thank you, thank you. when the applause comes from friends, family in peers, the feeling so much grander. Words cannot describe to have someone in the seats, looking down at you, and waiting outside those double doors. thank you so very much

mm well this thursday in chem 194 i want to see

let go! yea i know its during epic...boo

i think imma get those shoes today

this.Day impulse buy FAIL!

oh man, just fell in love with these. i've never fallen for shoes or really anything i SUPER want, but dang this is intense. i might get these tmrw....if i cave from this impluse. $100 to spent (4 years in waiting)

the show was so fantastic and i thank you all for comign and supporting me, vsa and most of all VietHope. You are giving the oppurtunity for children in vietnam not only to gain an oprunity for education, but also help brign them away form the clutches of slavey, poverty, and oppression